Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
