Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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