She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
