Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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