so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
