I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
