Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
