If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
