the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
