worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
