You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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