If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hippo gnu deer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
