I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize