youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
