The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
