I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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