You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
