butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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