Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need a beard to bite.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
