wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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