i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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