Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
