Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
