Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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