i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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