my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
