if i can run in heels then i can drive
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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