Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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