at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
