ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
