just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize