Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
