***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize