how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
