If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
