Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
