Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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