I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
