I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
