Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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