Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
