This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
