Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
