I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
