watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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