there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
