i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
