3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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