This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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