im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
