I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
