Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize