My liver just broke up with me...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
