How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
