what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
