Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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