i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
