Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
