I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
