i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
