Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so let's talk penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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