Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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