The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my poor anus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize