I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You were trust falling into bushes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
