Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
