I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
