I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize