Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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