In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
