I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
