My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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