if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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