People with herpes should wear stickers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
