Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
