We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize