I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
