Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize